Let me tell you a story

Have you ever tried to convince someone that you aren’t a jerk? I have… fruitlessly. This person decided a long time ago that I was a jerk because I didn’t like them. I have battled for 10 years trying to show them (because actions speak louder than words… right?) that I am not a jerk and I do like them. It wasn’t until this year that I realized I couldn’t control this. I can’t make them focus on all the things I do in the attempt to convince them of something they don’t believe.

We are constantly telling ourselves a story, multiple stories at once even about anything, and everything.

“The people driving around me are inconsiderate”, “my co-worker is better at this job than me”, “everyone likes me”, “no one likes me”, “democrats are this”, “republicans are that”, “I don’t know what I am doing”, and on and on and on. Some stories are deeply rooted in our childhood and some stories began today. They define who we are. Our perception of reality is the lens through which we view our world. And more often than not our story is different than someone else's story and we end up in strife masked as “miscommunication”.

The sooner we recognize the story we are telling ourselves, the sooner we can decide if we want to rewrite the story, communicate our perception, resolve conflict, be humbled, remove pride, unite and grow. If we refuse to recognize the stories we tell ourselves, they will control us without our consent.

We are constantly collecting data to prove the stories we believe because it is human nature to want to be right. Conversely, we ignore the data that disproves the stories we want to believe in.

If I decided (consciously or subconsciously) that a movie is good, I am naturally going to pay attention to the details that I consider “good” thus proving the movie is good. I will also ignore the parts of the movie that I don’t like. I love The Lion King but conveniently need to get a snack when Mufasa dies. We do this in every part of our lives, all day, every day, with everyone, and everything.

Have you ever noticed when you are in a hurry everyone seems to be in the way? Or when you aren’t in a hurry the roads are completely clear? Have you ever noticed when you are in a good mood, people tend to be nicer? Or when you’re driving like a jerk on the road, everyone else kind of sucks a lot?

If I believe someone is a jerk, my brain is going to automatically pay attention to their attributes that confirm this notion (and conveniently ignore anything that contradicts my belief). Over time, this person will prove time and time again my belief is truth. I am building a case against them they could never erase because I won’t let them, I won’t pay attention and log away anything that contradicts my truth.

Because I. AM. RIGHT.

It isn’t a coincidence friend, you are believing a story you are either consciously or subconsciously writing. And this is the light you see others in.

I challenge you to start paying attention to these stories so that you can become the author of them instead of subject to them. Choose to believe in the good and see how this changes your life.

Some stories I have believed that I am working to correct:

• I am not good at writing and so I don’t LIKE writing
• In HS someone told me my nostrils flare when I sing, so I now don’t like to sing in front of people.